Dilemma

My first house guest left early this morning, and I promised the kids a sleep-over tonight and into tomorrow when we’ll all go over to Minga’s for a welcome party. Sunday is when the men are off work, so everyone is coming including Angel and his family. In between, I was looking forward to a swim and some time in the hammock reading.

Gloria’s 14 year old son, Luis, was born with a deformed foot for which he’s had multiple surgeries. He insisted on one last surgery to make his gait as close to perfect as possible, and the surgery did not go well. He’s worse than before, with a two-inch difference between his healthy leg and the other one. Worse, he fractured the surgically altered foot right after surgery and is now in a cast. He missed three months of school, and has to go to summer school to catch up and start anew in the right grade in March. Crutches? Not unless the family buys them, which Gloria didn’t have money to do. Luis hopped and hobbled to the road in his cast this morning at 6:30am, and took public transportation to summer school in the district capitol a half-hour away.

I looked at the very inviting hammock, and then thought of Sara at roughly the same age. Sara had torn her ACL, and had a pair of well-fitting crutches. She had to go to the downtown library for a school project, and I remember her getting out of the car, working her way up the stairs, moving painstakingly down the hall and into the room where she had to do research. She’s quite stoic and said not a word, but I remember very well how hard it was for her.

We needed some groceries and El Machetazo isn’t far from Penonome, so I suggested to Gloria that we go together and pick Luis up in the process.

As are most things Panamanian, a short errand turned complex and time-consuming. Luis wasn’t at school when we went to get him, and no one had seen him leave. His cell phone is without a current time card, so we had no way to call him. We drove around a bit looking for him at the various chiva stops, without success. We left, then stopped in Rio Hato at Gloria’s house – he had not arrived. She was frantic with worry. We took the groceries back to the villa, and a few moments later her older son called to say that Luis had arrived – by public transport, and hobbling his way from the road where he had been left.

A big chunk of my swim and reading time is gone, although I am here typing. I imagine that Luis is not supposed to put weight on the broken foot, although he surely has to put that foot down from time time while hopping.

I didn’t feel that I had to go pick up Luis. I could have read in the hammock while he was making his way to and from school. He’s not my child and his mother works here; helping with her family’s problems is not an obligation of my visit. I chose to go and am glad, but still miss the lost time.

Compassion and friendship create certain dilemmas.

I’m struck by how much easier life is for us. We have cell phones, and can call or IM when someone is delayed or missing or when school lets out 15 minutes early because it was the first day. People with broken limbs get crutches along with a cast. Most of us use cars, not public transportation, dramatically reducing the distance an injured person has to walk.

I’ll swim later with the kids, and I’m taking Monday off and will stay at the villa all day doing whatever I want. I can’t help reflecting on the difference between authentic friendship and playing Lady Bountiful, and claim no fixed sense of the boundary.

Tags: teachable moments